At best, divorce is difficult. It can be complex, but it need not be so rancorous that you feel bruised and beaten as a result.

If you can control your emotions and look at your divorce in more businesslike terms, you will be able to take charge and work toward a more positive outcome.

Avoid being too aggressive

Remember that how you begin the process of divorce will set the tone for the entire journey. Do not start by assuming the worst of the other party and being too aggressive. If your soon-to-be ex feels threatened, he or she may respond in a similar fashion. Anger can escalate quickly, triggering the revenge aspect of what would probably become a bitter divorce. Instead, let your spouse know you are open to working with him or her. Adopting a reasonable attitude should help bridge any gap that exists. If your spouse becomes reasonable in return, you will both save time and a good deal of money.

Be prepared to lose something

Do not get so involved in disputes that you overlook what is really important, such as the welfare of your children. Even if you are childless, do not fixate on the minutia of contesting ownership of every little thing. For example, do not fight over a car that is not worth the money you would spend trying to prove the vehicle should be yours, not your ex’s. Keep your perspective. Know what is worth pursuing and take your chances with the rest.

Do your own research

Your friends and relatives may be quick to recommend the attorneys who handled their various divorces. Although these are well-meaning people, your divorce situation is unique and the attorneys who helped your friends and relatives may not be suitable for you. You want help from someone with an objective view, who will listen as you express your concerns, and who will help you take charge of your own divorce in a practical and businesslike way.